we're blogging at a bar
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
