Me too!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
