it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
