i already hear my dad disowning me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Randomize
