i think i have two assholes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
