You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
