He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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