i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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