I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
