Non-Jews are for practice
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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