I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
