Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
