Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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