This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
