We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
