u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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