nut hugger
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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