The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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