If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
