3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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