anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
