Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
