Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
