he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My life is pants optional.
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