I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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