The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
