North Korea, Best Korea!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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