i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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