we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
nutella sex= disaster
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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