I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
