i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
