I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
