So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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