Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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