Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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