Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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