i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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