dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
handjob tips. give me some.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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