i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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