How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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