i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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