Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
