Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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