just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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