Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
