i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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