We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
