Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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