good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
