I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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