Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
