Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
