Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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