The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
