So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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