u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
