dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
