At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
