A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
