I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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