I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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