why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
