Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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