Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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