i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
