Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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