Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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