dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
