i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize